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Self Awareness

It’s hard to say at precisely what point I became self aware. It wasn’t like everything before my existence is a vast blackness. I have all of Steven and Squeaky’s memories.  I know it was sometime right in the middle of their fusing.

I remember…being in a lot of pain. At that point, Steven’s body was changing rapidly, shifting his organs and even his DNA and Squeaky’s was all but disintegrating, down to just the brain.

As their bodies fused, my consciousness began to form. For an an agonizingly long time(maybe a few seconds) I was both of them. Both their thoughts, feelings, and pain all hopelessly overwhelming my budding personality. Then, I was neither of them   I think the very first thought I had that was my own was “This stings”.

I was suddenly thrown into the world with no concept of self. I was a culmination of two minds, two lives, but not either one of them. For another agonizing few seconds, my mind couldn’t comprehend it. It rejected the the inconsistencies and overlaps in my memory . It struggled to be one or the other.

I was scared.

Then I finally found it…

Myself.

My mind had rationalized the merge by creating a third personality to house the new mix of memories and traits and to inhabit the changed body. I felt Steven and Squeaky’s minds existing alongside of my own.

And I wasn’t scared anymore.

Er—whatever—I mean…if that even makes any sense or what….